In the fall Kelley took a Spanish class that required an incredibly overpriced workbook. Instead of buying the book at the college bookstore, we bought it on Amazon.
Since Kelley needed the workbook quickly so she could do her assignments, I decided to order from someone local. I found a seller who advertised that the book would be shipped "next day" and that he was located in New Jersey.
Neither claim was true. The book could not have been shipped the next day (though it did arrive inside of the dates promised by Amazon). It was shipped from California. That's fine. The problem is that the workbook had a bunch of pages ripped out. Not just any pages, either. Gone were those pages containing the assignments a student would submit. The "work" pages from the workbook were missing.
On December 14 I wrote the seller to explain that the book he sent me was worthless to me:
The book I ordered from you is a workbook used in a Spanish class. Pages with the exercises on them were ripped out. These pages are essential because they are our homework assignments. As a result, the book you sent me is worthless. I am writing to request a full refund, including shipping charges. thank you.
I never received a response, so on December 23 I filed a complaint with Amazon. On January 1 I received a complete refund from Amazon.
On January 23 I got the following email from the seller:
MAIL ME THE BOOK BACK IMMEDIATELY AS STATED BY A2Z CONTRACT; BY JANUARY 28th.
YOU HAVE UNTIL JANUARY 28th TO HAVE THE BOOK REDELIVERED BEFORE I TAKE YOU TO SMALL CLAIMS COURT. YOU WILL RECEIVE AN OFFICIAL NOTICE OF BEING SERVED ON FEBRUARY 4th CERTIFIED AND SIGNATURE REQUIRED BY THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA. YOU'LL HAVE 30 DAYS BEFORE YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP FOR THE COURT APPEARANCE IN THE ORANGE COUNTY COURT HOUSE.
p.s. YOU'RE A FUCKING DOUCHEBAG :-)
I really hate the resurgence of "douchebag" as a term of derision. But I love the little smiley face he included. I'm not entirely sure how to take it, however. I responded with:
According to Amazon I am not required to return the defective item you sent me. http://www.amazon.com//gp/
But you didn't provide a return address so that I could return the item if I wanted to. What is your mailing address and phone number.
I sort of hope he decides to waste his time trying to sue someone who lives in New York in a California small claims court.