Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Drug Abuse + Incest > Work

It doesn't matter how busy I might be, if I take a short break from work to check Google News and I see a headline like Mackenzie Phillips details drug use and incest in new memoir, I click the link. It also doesn't matter the news source. Usually my brain doesn't even register links from Entertainment Weekly (sort of like how a dog can't see the color red).

Google News selected this story specifically for me.

But that was just a teaser. As I scrolled down just a bit, I saw an even more scandalous headline from MTV: Mackenzie Phillips Claims Father Raped, Drugged Her.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Stop Wearing Cologne

I describe the experience as "having my nose holes raped". It is the penetration of a bodily orifice without consent. Yes, I find cologne and perfume that offensive. Apparently I am in the small minority of people who feel this way, because any time I mention my aversion to someone, I am rebuked.

I am not allergic to perfume. I just don't like it. At all. I don't think that smelling like flowers or fruits or an animal is a good thing. If it's something you can't help, that's one thing. But to purposefully put a scent on yourself and - more importantly - to force others to smell it? That is inconsiderate and down-right rude.

But, as I already mentioned, most people disagree with me. I've never had anything more than logic, manners and personal preference to back me up. Well, I didn't, until today.

I was finishing Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, by Mary Roach. Chapter 14 covers the topic of hormones, pheromones and scents. The following is an excerpt from page 292:

I have a better suggestion for Cutler's* customers. Stop wearing cologne. Women don't find it attractive. If you don't believe me, here is a quote from a press release from the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago: "Men's colognes actually reduced vaginal blood flow." Foundation director Al Hirsch hooked women up to a vaginal photoplethysmograph and had them wear surgical masks scented with ten different aromas or combination of aromas.
* Cutler is Winnifred Cuttler, whose name you might recognize from magazine advertisements for Athena Pheromone 10X.

There you are. Science has shown that women are not stimulated by your cologne. So now you can stop wearing it.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Piano Woman

Have you ever seen a woman dressed in leather from head to toe playing a piano on wheels on a crowded city sidewalk? Well I have.

Piano woman on Whitehall.

This woman was situated in front of my office this morning. I don't know what she was doing or how she got there*.

* I do have a guess, though. I think she stole the piano from Mike Lowrey's backyard and was trying to get it home. But that explanation begs another question: What was a woman like that doing at his house in the first place? Once word gets out we probably won't be seeing any updates on his blog for a looooong time.