Wednesday, July 29, 2009

To Eat Or Not To Eat

Commercials featuring anthropomorphic food products come in two varieties: those that discourage you from eating the food product and those that encourage you to eat the food product.

Chick-Fil-A

The former makes sense. Chick-Fil-A has cows trying to convince people to eat more chicken because that will result in fewer people eating beef. It's a simple example of rational self interest.



Frosted Mini Wheats

Then there are commercials like those for Frosted Mini Wheats, where animated pieces of breakfast cereal encourage people to eat them. In Kellogg's Land, cereal is sentient and is happy to be a martyr. Every bite is a suicide, followed by the desecration and digestion of the corpse.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Which Station Am I Watching?

Quiz of the day: which station am I watching?

A. ESPN
B. ABC
C. MSNBC
D. All of the above
E. None of the above

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Fatal Hit & Run

Mispelled subway signs. Dead birds stuck in subway overpasses. Strawberry cake with the leaves intact. A lot of people in New York just don't give a shit. Those examples were amusing. This one is just sad.

The NYPD is looking for the driver.

On Wednesday night a man was killed in a hit-and-run in front of my building. The road was closed for a while as the police investigated and the accident was cleaned up.

Accident scene clean ups only include the removal of one shoe.

I should write "cleaned up". One of the dead man's shoes remains in the street today.

Monday, July 13, 2009

School Bus Smoking Section

Kelley had jury duty this morning, so we had the very unusual opportunity to walk to the subway together. As we were walking, we heard this booming stereo and smoke billowing from a parked vehicle.

If the school bus is a rockin', don't bother knockin'!

I can honestly say I've never seen that combination coming from a school bus before. I had to take a picture. Kelley asked if I wanted her to stand next to the bus in order to be a little less conspicuous. I said no thanks, I'll just take the picture. After all, the dude is sitting in a school bus. What's he going to do, yell and start following us?

That's exactly what he did. He was pissed. "Hey!!! What the hell are you doing??!!" We kept walking. After we had gone around a corner, I looked back to see him standing there, staring me down.

In case you are wondering, the music was "Umbrella" by Rihanna. The smoke was tobacco.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

How Old Is A Woman Who Is Over 35?

The subway is full of ads for a reality/game show titled "She's Got The Look", which describes itself as a "model competition for women over 35". The ads features contestants on the show, along with their ages.

Raquel, age 35, is a contestant on She's Got The Look.

If you're 36, you're over 35. If you're 35, you're not.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Strawberry Cake, Hold The Leaves

One of the constant contradictions of New York is that it is simultaneously home to the most ambitious and the most lazy people.

On the one hand you've got the "if you can make it here you can make it anywhere" crowd. No matter how clever or eager you are, there is someone more clever and more eager than you. If you will push by 10 people to squeeze into a rush hour subway seat, the old woman next to you will push by 20 people to get there first - and then she will yell at you for being rude.

On the other hand you've got the "if you can make it here you can do it yourself" crowd. My amazement never ceases at the lack of basic customer service shops provide. A couple months ago I went to a pet store to exchange a bag of cat food. The man at the register didn't say a word to me as I stood at the counter. I finally asked if he worked there. In an annoyed voice he answered, "I'm standing behind the counter, aren't I?"

Strawberry Cake from Financier Patisserie

Ok, maybe I'm confusing someone being an asshole with being lazy, so let me provide another example. If you buy a cake with fresh strawberries in New York, you always need to check the strawberries before you eat them. The person who prepared the cake probably didn't bother removing the leaves before adding the berries to the cake.

Like yesterday's cake from Financier Patisserie on Stone Street.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Cold Activated Can

Coors Light's latest gimmick to get people to buy it is a "cold activated" can. Are Coors drinkers so dumb that they cannot figure out when a can of beer is cold enough to drink, or has Coors become such a technologically advanced drink that only it knows when it it sufficiently chilled?

What is getting activated by the cold?

In either case, I'm staying away.